This article first appeared on my LinkedIn page, on April 22, 2017, under the same tittle.
How to not let Frustration Derail your Serenity
Are your success and happiness sabotaged by your frustration?
“What is it, babe?”
“I’m feeling frustrated.”
Sunday afternoon is rolling around and feel yourself start to become anxious. Your partner notices your frustrated, snappy, and he just feels that you have lost interest in the moment.
“Hey? What is bothering you he asks?”
“It’s 4:00 pm on Sunday and it’s almost over?”
“The weekend wasn’t long enough. Never is! I dread waking up tomorrow. I don’t want to go to work. I’m fed up, I feel put-off, had enough of everyone in that office walking all over me!
It makes me want to scream. I just don’t get their stupidity. Why do they have to come to me with all their little problems? Don’t they know I’m busy?
I can’t take much more of this. It’s like they do it on purpose. If someone asks me a stupid question tomorrow I am just gonna tell them what I think.”
“Babe you’re the boss. You must be in control. Stop showing your anger and frustration. You must find a way to deal with your frustration before it turns to anger and you do something you will regret.”
· your position at work,
· the new promotion,
· colleagues taking advantage of your experience, knowledge, and ability to quickly solve problems
These situations have developed into unnerving pang in your stomach and set your teeth on edge.
Does this sound familiar?
Do you get that sickly feeling when you notice it’s 4 o’clock Sunday afternoon and your weekend is almost over?
Is the feeling that you were not ready to advance in your career, is being the BOSS really getting you sick and aggravated?
Were you not cut-out from the stone that great leaders and manager were?
Plan time in your day to take an inventory of how you are performing your job, what is bothering you, and to outline a way to address problems that are devolving before they become frustration or anger.
Dealing with a new position at work can be frustrating. Unfortunately, the added stress, worry, and feelings of being taken advantage of quickly turn into frustration and annoyance. And if you choose to hold onto either of those long enough it becomes anger. Anger with problems that develop in the workplace is never exciting to deal with.
Anger can derail your sense of purpose in seconds. It can make you look childish and unfit for the job. Anger if not managed correctly is self-sabotaging at its finest.
It is important to learn some early warning signs of frustration so you can get to work on fixing you. Signs of frustration are similar to the signs of anxiety. Physical cues to look for include:
· tapping of the fingers
· scratching or rubbing the back of the head or neck
· shaking and/or tapping of the foot
· doodling while engaged with a phone call, meeting or team conference
· facial expressions that display displeasure, contempt, and annoyance
· throwing your arms up in the air while in conversation or solving a problem
· sitting with your arms crossed
Now that we have noticed that we are becoming frustrated; it is our choice to do something about this feeling growing inside of us. If we let the frustration fester and grow inside of us it can and will turn into anger. It is in our best interest to work through the frustration as quickly as possible.
It is pertinent to have a strategy in place to help deal with frustration as soon as you realize it is plaguing your happiness, progress, or creativity.
Here is a strategy you can enlist to help end your frustration before it creates more problems within your daily life. You might have heard or used this strategy before. In the NYS DOC Shock Incarceration Facilities, the 5 steps of Decision Making are a vital system taught to help inmates train their minds for success. This process can be long or short depending on the depth or nature of the problem to be solved.
1. See the Situation– When evaluating the source of your frustration it is important to outline all factors and how each directly relates to your frustration. Examine the situation and all factors involved. It is important to determine that the situation is, in fact, the cause of your frustration.
It is easy to confuse what the true source or cause of your frustration is. You must be sure that you are seeing the situation from all angles including your personal feelings involved.
2. Know What You Want-You must be specific during this part of the task. You should determine what you truly need to succeed or how you can eliminate the problem. Stay positive and understand how achieving your perceived outcome will make the situation better for everyone involved.
3. Expand your Possibilities-You need to broaden your perspective to see the picture. When frustration is involved it is easy to see through blinders and only look to solve the pain point that is causing the most problems in that moment. As a leader, whether it be as a manager, business owner or captain of your own life, it is important to take the time to examine the situation from above. Remove yourself from the arena where the problem lives and examine as a bystander would.
The ability to fully grasp the situation will put you in the position to comprehend different outlooks, pain points, and frustrations from all angles and persons involved.
By seeing the problem from outside of its source it is easier to change your perspective.
If you omit this part of the process you will undermine the systems you have put in place and not truly solving a problem but achieving a quick fix for the moment.
4. Evaluate and Decide-Once you have completed the steps to this point it is time to make the decision that is best for all persons involved. You must be assertive, especially if you are standing in a position of power. By displaying assertiveness, your employees, colleagues, or team will find it easier to stand behind you and respect your decisions because you are in fact getting what you want but not disregarding their concerns or needs to resolve only your frustration.
5. Act-Finally you come to the end of your decision-making process. You feel that you have dissected the problem and examined it objectively. Your decision is one that makes you feel better about your position at work, resolves your frustration for the moment and the long-term. Not only is the frustration resolved but members of your team will understand your care and concern for their work experiences being positive, creative, and rewarding.
To be able to fully understand how and when frustration could undermine how you navigate your business or personal life is a necessary system to have in place. Life would suck if people remembered you as the guy who went through life with a nervous twitch or constantly tapping his foot or made annoying clicks with his throat during intense business meetings. Doodling or constantly having to scribble little images in your notebook because of your frustration is nothing but disrespectful to your colleagues and the person who is speaking during a meeting.
Being the man who cannot handle frustration is not a productive life goal.
Frustration and annoyance can lead to anger if it has gone unattended. Learn ways of understanding when you are feeling frustrated so you can begin to handle it early on. Do it for your happiness, your wife’s happiness, and the longevity of your workplace.
The best and quickest way to handle frustration is to use the 5 steps of decision making and act. Choose your path or the decision that will work and stick with it. Trust yourself and your ingenuity. Frustration is part of everyone’s process but you should choose to work through it powerfully and decisively. As James Altucher preaches Choose Yourself, not your frustration, annoyance or anger!